For toddlers, becoming afraid of the dark actually shows that their imagination is developing in leaps and bounds. They are realizing that the dark covers and "hides" things and can easily imagine monsters or other frightening creatures lurking nearby.
However, toddlers are not quite mature enough to realize object constancy, or that the same things that were there in the light are there in the dark as well. Objects in the bedroom may take on frightening shapes and sizes and may seem to loom out and reach for them.
For older children, this fear may persist. As they begin to emotionally mature, they may think more deeply about issues like death and the physical body. They may have access to television programming or video games that seem light-hearted during the day but frightening at night. These fears may cause them to lay in the dark feeling scared and consequently ashamed about being scared. Even adults, especially when sleeping in strange places, can feel that familiar attack of anxiety when the lights go off.
Tips for Parents To Ease Their Child's Fear of the Dark
- First of all, never berate or tease a toddler, child, or teenager for being afraid of the dark, and do not allow siblings to do so, either. These fears are very real and should not be diminished.
- If the child is old enough, allow him to talk about his fears as a step in understanding and overcoming them. This teaches a child to open up emotionally when he has troubles or concerns. Offer him support, and tell him that nothing can hurt him. Respect his thoughts.
- Keep a night light on, or a special lamp that makes shapes on the ceiling.
- Allow the child to sleep with a flashlight that automatically shuts off when left on too long (there are many on the market).
- Put glow-in-the-dark stars or planets on the walls or ceiling.
- Give the child a "lovey," or a comfort object such as a stuffed animal, a soft blanket, or a small cloth bag of "fairy dust" to make the scary things go away.
- Walk around the room with the child to show him that everything is really the same as it was during the daytime.
- Stay with the child for a period of time, cuddle him, and tell him stories or play soft music in the background.
- Never force a child to remain in a dark room to "confront" his fear. This can lead to an unhealthy phobia and may be devastating and traumatizing.
Advice Especially for Older Children Afraid of the Dark
In addition to the above advice, older children may require a different approach.
- Encourage him to draw, write, or act out his fears during the day to provide an outlet. Sometimes dwelling on the fear for a short period helps a child to ultimately overcome it.
- Allow him to read about and understand that fear of the dark is a natural, human response. It can help him understand that many people face and overcome this fear.
- Monitor a child’s television and video game habits, which may be giving him unnecessary fodder for his fears.
- Talk to the child about his day, his friends, his teacher, and other everyday concerns. Sometimes the anxiety that materializes at night is the manifestation of other distressful emotions.
- If his fears seem to interfere with normal life and he still refuses to sleep in his bedroom after a prolonged period of being afraid, it may be best to seek the help of a gentle counselor or other professional who can skillfully ease the child from his phobia.
Fear of the dark is a normal, natural response and is the result of a maturing mind. This fear is universal and surely affects most people at least once in their lifetime. For persistent, chronic attacks of fear, parents can do their best to alleviate their child’s concerns. By providing a supportive, loving environment for the child’s fears to play out, parents are fostering a lasting, positive relationship.
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